How do you identify yourself?

Divaelegante (http://www.divaelegante.blogspot.com/) posted '9jas and their Owambes' on her blog the other day and drew to our attention the fundamental sign of being a Nigerian, throwing and attending Owambe parties. We all know that these things are a weekly rite of passage for all true Nigerians and no matter how disconnected you are from the Nigerian scene, you'd end up getting reconnected by an owambe party (It could be a wedding, birthday, birth, or death).

So check this out, I am trying to keep up with Nigerian/African news and I come across an interesting article identifying a new breed of Africans called Afropolitans. It works like this, your African parents migrate to a western country, you are born there and begin to live the western life. However, your parents being deeply African do not let you forget the African values and culture or uproot sometime during your life to live in Africa until you come of age and can officially decide your own country of residence.

During your teenage years and early adulthood, you try to determine your future and you begin to juggle African mentalities (becoming strictly a professional doctor, lawyer, engineer) with the freedom of expression given by the western world (follow a career in creative arts, media, music). The inability to totally identify with either of the two cultures becomes a major heartache and you can never seem to please either worlds completely. You make it through this maze of conflicts one way or another and become a fully fledged adult accepting yourself for what you are, a multi-faceted human being with different abilities and capabilities to handle both the western and traditional African worlds. Hence, at this point, I would ask you, how would you identify or describe yourself?

If you hold a foreign passport and you are told to state your country of origin (this could mean residency, nationality, naturalisation, a whole load of things really), what would it be? African or the easily identifiable western Country? I love it when I see people squirm on hearing this question because its a deep-rooted question and you need to instinctively have your answer ready.

Anyway, read the article and let me have your comments back here, click on this link http://allafrica.com/stories/200708301133.html.

Styling tips for the Plus-size woman

So I am over the rant I had yesterday about being plus-sized and being told, I am fat (I haven't killed anyone yet). However, I am in such a good mood because I am going to talk about styling for the plus-sized woman.

In UK, being plus-sized isn't too difficult because a lot of African women automatically fall into that category either by virtue of being blessed with a bit of bum, a bit of boob, or a bit of hips. We are well-rounded as African women (as women of other races may very well be) and I love it (why would I want to be in a position where I have no boobs, or no bum, or no hips?). Furthermore, the average size in UK is 16 so being plus-sized is not a stigma, its normal.

In styling a plus-size woman, my motto would be 'Whatever you've got, flaunt it' (nicely of course). Most plus-size women would cover up their feminine features with over-sized and unflattering clothing but the opposite should be the case.

You should wear flowing or draping materials especially for tops/blouses which accentuate your upper body, cover any flabs and settle gently on your hips. For dresses, curvy women should enjoy and not avoid dresses, sheath and wrap dresses suit a curvy woman incredibly so try them if you haven't done so already. For trousers/pants, curvy women look good in boot cut styles, palazzo-styled trousers and even culotte trousers which are flat in front and pocket free (even though I love pockets in my trousers). Please avoid the unflattering elastic band waist or tie-rope waists (except you are pregnant)

Skirts would have to be A-line /a-symmetrical and either knee length or ankle length, not in between. Don't be afraid to try colours (blues, greens, reds, yellows) instead of sticking to just black and brown.

The key fabrics for plus-sized women are chiffon, cotton, and light wool (light fabrics really) because they skim over and land flatteringly over the body. Absolutely stay away from chunky, heavy wools and triple-layered fabrics (except its a coat for the winter or a thick wraparound sweater) because they would make you look thicker that you are and create folds in areas you do not need folds existing.

Generally, in the summer Caftans provide the sweetest looks whilst lightly woven wraparound sweaters on plain t-shirts/camisoles look nice for the winter all with pants or skirts. Don't be afraid to try something new.

Pictures from http://www.simplybe.co.uk/ , http://www.evans.co.uk/,

http://www.marshallward.co.uk/

Let me remind you that you are beautifully and wonderfully made so don't let anyone tell you anything different.

Fabulous love.

Who says its a bad thing to be plus size?

I guess I have a bone to pick with some guys out there, so girls, read this and tell me if I am deluded or what. Is it a bad thing to get a few more curves or go a few dresses sizes up, or put on some weight?

I was recently reconnected with a blast from the past (I'm sure you know what I mean) and he had the guts to tell me I had grown fat and shouldn't get any fatter because it would make me ineligible for some guy (who the heck is he?)

This got me absolutely fuming and feeling a little more than murderous towards him (the cheek of him). A few years ago, I used to be a struggling size 8 who didn't even look like she should be asked out on a date cos she looked underage and I absolutely did not like that era at all. Now a few years down the line, I'm feeling quite proud of my womanly curves and this man thinks he can come and take my pride all away, how dare him. It's definitely not gonna happen.

The Bible says there's a time for everything and I truly believe that at this stage if my life, its time for me to look curvaceous and rotund (for want of a better word) and only a man who can appreciate curves should even look my way. There are phases in every woman's life and at no point during each of these different phases would anyone look exactly the same. A young girl will certainly not look like a lady, a lady will not look like a woman, and a mother will certainly not be compared to a young lady because the life cycles were never determined by God to be exactly the same.

Aside from God's intentions, who says I should feel bad for putting on some weight and who says I am not pretty just because I am no longer as tiny as I used to be. Why should I not be proud of my newly acquired curves and why should I feel that I have to be skinny to be found by a man? Who sets this standards? (they need their heads fixed). I love my body as it is now even though it is no longer what it used to be and so should all women. Love yourself whatever stage of your life you find yourself: single, married, mother, divorced, separated etc because God loves you no matter how you look or what you are going through ,and he wants you to remember his love at all times. He even said specifically that nothing can separate you from his love (not even a little bit of weight).

Seriously, looking fashionable is not determined by your dress size, there are different types of stores that cater for different shapes and sizes, you just need to find yours. There's no excuse.

Loving yourself and accepting who you are is the key to attracting the right type of people to you and the finding the right love for you. Don't neglect your health but don't inflict suffering on your body to meet standards that are unnecessary. Be cool, dress well, compose yourself, and enjoy yourself.

Need I remind you of our plus-sized icons:

Pictures are by virtue of http://www.fashioniq.com/ and http://www.blacknews.com/

Speak to me girls.

Fashionable love, Kaffy

How was your August Bank Holiday Weekend?

I probably should have given you all a hint about my plans for the August Bank Holiday Weekend but I hadn't mapped it out and so I couldn't.

However, as unplanned as it was, it turned out very well.

My girlfriends turned up late Saturday afternoon, from Nottingham, to hang out me for the weekend and the afternoon disappeared in a maze of cooking, eating and catching up on lost time. Since I couldn't make a party I had been invited to by another friend of mine, we decided to go to a club for the nite. We ended up at a party thrown in 'The Livery, Wood Street, London' and we had so much fun.

In the spirit of fashion, the summer trend this year for a night out, are short dresses with which yours truly had to comply. I threw on a green and gold silk strapless short dress with a gathered waist (Joy, Russell Square) and a pair of flat gold sandals (dancing shouldn't lead to incapacitation, so flats had to work), my clutch was a gold and green aso-oke bag made by my talented girlfriend (check out her work on http://www.urbanknit.com/).

Sunday was another day and the Nottinghill Carnival was in full swing, we decided to visit the festivities (even though Sundays are marked for kids). The short theme carried on in our outfits for the day, and my shorty shorts (http://www.pacsun.com/) came out with the vest tops (MNG, Convent Garden) and flat thin-strap sandals again (The House of Fraser sale is on with sandals from Nine West and Kurt Geiger sandals now available at a bargain). I have always emphasised that I never miss an opportunity to show off my hairless 'Pins' (which my friends so envy) as much as I can (there's also no age limit for wearing shorty shorts so don't even think it).

A tip I would have for anyone visiting the carnival in future is, never take any of your designer stuff, wear your cheapest (but nice) accessories. I lost my sunglasses there on Sunday and I am still mourning the loss.

By Monday, I was totally exhausted and needed some rest so I didn't go back to the carnival as I had previously intended. I rested at home preparing for work today.

All in all, I think it was a fruitful and engaging weekend for me, how was it for you. I just might put out the pictures and videos from the weekend for you to see...

Drop me a voice comment or type in something here, I would love to know what you got up to.

Where to.... - Wrist Watches

Those that know me (and even those who don't know me but have read this blog in this past) understand that wristwatches are an important part of my daily routine. No matter the occasion or event, a wristwatch would form a standard component of my get-up (look). For me, the wristwatch is not only important because I need to know the time but its equally important because I love my wrists bones (they are slim and tiny) and a wristwatch can be used to accentuate my bone structure on the wrist. I also think its an understated way of showing class and style without screaming obnoxiously expensive.

I love wristwatches so much but I've managed (so far) to avoid bankruptcy by making sure I have the basic essentials which look good but come at an affordable price.

My basic rules for watches are:

- A simple leather wristwatch for work which basically tells me the time and date (I never keep up with dates so I need one to tell me at a glance).

- A pretty pearl/white gold/Sterling silver/Charm bracelet-type wristwatch for times when you go on a date or you dress pretty and girly or for parties.

- A big-faced wristwatch for the days you need to power-dress and make a statement (I do that when I am going into unknown territory and I need to make an impression).

Now, you can decide to have one of the three categories if you are not crazy about wristwatches or adorning your wrist. However,if you are like me and your wrist is one of your best features (believe me, it can be a feature, just extend your hand in a handshake and see how it looks), then invest in at least two of the three categories I have laid out.

Coming back to the Where to...?

My favourite work-related wristwatch maker would have to be Fossil or Tommy Hilfiger because their leather wristwatches are long-lasting, pretty and quite functional.

For my want-to-look-pretty watch, I have a pearl-strap watch (I love their Skin Collection) from Swatch, they have seasonal watches made delicately, to look pretty just for women, and they are still as functional, long-lasting-durable, and scratch absorbing as Swatch has been known for.

And for my power-dressing look, my favourite is by D & G Time. Their wristwatches work very well, last long, and look absolutely good. I have a massive-faced one which looks huge on my tiny wrist but I am so in love with it, I have worn out the leather strap.

Here's a tip for girls who are pragmatic enough to feel guilty when they start stocking up too many luxury brand names, sell your last season wristwatch and then add a bit more money to buy a new season one. Don't go broke trying to get a new watch, find something you don't need in your wardrobe anymore, sell it and then buy yourself a new guilty pleasure. On the other hand, just do some overtime to raise the cash you need. Let's keep it real here, no one wants to see you broke all in the name of looking fancy, they won't care, so be sensible.

This is just me being me. Fabulous love to you all.

How dreary can it get?

I remind myself to be cheerful and thankful at all times but its hard going. Its pouring down rain here in UK and all hopes of a snippet of summer is gone. I barely even got out my shorts and fancy tees before the floodgates of the sky opened up on this country (I really do fancy relocating to a place where there's a definite turn of weather at various times of the year, can't think where).

I flip through my monthly issue of Vanity Fair and its times like this I wonder why I contribute to the pockets of publishers who show me the lifestyle of the people who do not have an impact of my life and whose lives I cannot even remotely comprehend as attainable right now (Do I see myself wearing haute couture every night on the town and buying £2000 handbags at the drop of the hat, anytime in the next 2/3 years? The answer is No).

This month's issue is even more depressing because the International Best-Dressed List has been released and half of the people within are unrecognisable but influential. As usual, they are all Europeans, Americans, British and generally western, there are no resident Africans. Are they saying that if you are not dressed in Western attire, best dressed cannot be measured?

Okay, I need to stop these deep-searching thoughts wandering through my mind (even though I can't get out and about because its raining) or maybe its because I'm hungry (I don't have a fridge and cooker in my apartment thanks to my rogue estate agent).

But seriously, they need to reconsider the best dressed list by extending the remit of consideration to African and other continents where the traditional or indigenous attires supersede the so-called 'haute couture' or high-end designs featured on their pages.

Here's the list of people featured:

Women
Charlotte Gainsbourg, Princess Alexandra of Greece, Marjorie Gubelmann, Princess Mafalda of Hesse, Fran Lebowitz, Michelle Obama, Bee Shaffer, Tilda Swinton, Ivanka Trump, Renée Zellweger.

Men
Tiki Barber, Jonathan Becker, Count Manfredi, Della Gherardesca, Lapo Elkann, Richard E. Grant, Lenny Kravitz, Luis and Rafael Medina, Hidetoshi Nakata, Nicolas Sarkozy, Gay Talese.

Couples
David and Victoria Beckham,The Earl and Countess of Cawdor, Damon Dash and Rachel Roy, Frédéric Fekkai and Shirin von Wulffen, Mitch Glazer and Kelly Lynch, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, David Lauren and Lauren Bush, Viscount and Viscountess Linley, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Ruben and Isabel Toledo.

Fashion Professionals
Amy Astley, Tory Burch, Jefferson Hack, Liya Kebede, Alexandra Kotur, Margherita Missoni, Stefano Pilati, Michael Roberts, Katherine Ross, Hedi Slimane.

Fashion Originals
Peter Beard, Carlyne Cerf de Dudzeele, Lisa Eisner.

Hall of Fame
Alba Clemente, George Clooney, Marina Rust Connor, Anderson Cooper, Sofia Coppola, Jemima Khan, Anna Piaggi.

You can still find Humour in some sad facts of Life

I have had a quiet but busy Monday at work and so I have kept my head down and not considered writing today. However, I got a mail from a friend which has made me smile and lit up my day. Let me share the image:

The sad truth is that the very image I have found hilarious is a harsh reality for someone. The caption read "only in Lagos, outside a mosque". Someone has gone in to pray and is worried that he/she might come out and find the pair of flip flops (probably the only pair the person has got) gone so he/she has resorted to extreme measures to maintain his/her high security so that he/she can go home with some dignity (i.e not shoeless).

This just reminds me that some people can really not afford the basic minute items we take for granted in the western world (not forgetting that there are still people, in the western world, who live very much beneath the poverty line).

So I have laughed and had my bit of humor for the day, but the reality still hit me that I have a variety of options, one of which I could pick, or all of which I could do. They would be, make regular contributions to worthy charities, help the needy around me, never forget where I came from (my humble background), never see anyone as beneath me, share with others and learn to give, do not be wasteful, be sensible with your lifestyle as you could lose it all anytime, love one another, and last but not least important, learn to laugh a lot more often/see the funny side of life.

This is written with a lot of fashionable love.

Rogue Trading becomes a Reality in my Life

So I arrive back in England, on a high, after spending time with my family and sort of missing them already only to find out that I am going to get chucked out of my home. My rogue Estate Agent is still firmly encrusted in my life and the problems caused are getting bigger.

I am sure people are aware that UK has a welfare system which takes care of the disadvantaged, impoverished, and/or the poor (if the system really works that way). Well, what has happened in my case is that the Estate Agent has given me, a house which is owned by a Housing Association. Technically, this is not allowed and should never happen under the welfare system. The Housing Association will be prosecuting the tenant who was allocated the House, I will be served notice to leave the property as a third party who has been given a house that the estate agent has no authority to give, and the rogue estate agent has become incommunicado. How jolly is this.

I am so sure I will be giving you all, a full update on the pitfalls of being in my position once I get proper legal advice (the irony being that even though I can boast of a Law Degree, I can't boast of a proper knowledge of the UK Housing/Consumer Rights Law so I need to seek advice from someone who does) and found a suitable conclusion for myself on this case.

There is one thing that is clear from all this, be sure to make sure that when you handle business with anyone, look closely and don't be fooled by a business name, an office with desk, chair, computer, and someone with a smiling face.

In the meantime, I hope I don't go insane sorting out this mess.

Be Fabulous.

The Little Things Matter

My writing has been a little sporadic since I arrived in America and I haven't felt quite myself since I miss my routines and the comfort in discovering something about fashion and writing about it. Its not that the time I am spending with my family is not worth it, I just wish I could discover something majorly fashionable to prick my creative juices.

However, this goes to show that the little things matter in our daily lives. For me, something as little as being able to write on my blog matters because it gives me a sense of calm and joy. For other people, many little things make up the joys of their lives and keeps them going from day-to-day.

I was in church today and the sermon covered the subject matter 'The small things matter'. This is my inspiration for today. In the Christian sense, the small things are the stepping stones to big things. Also, God watches for the little acts and things we do to serve faithfully.

However, looking at it from the angle of the fashionista, the small things still matter. The tiny details such as your accessories, the handbag, the right underwear, the right shoes , the right fit etc all matter in projecting the image you want people to have of you. When you step out of your house, the little things can make it all go wrong and brand you in a way you might not have intended. Some people consider the need to pay attention to the smaller details being "pedantic' (believe me, I hear it all the time) but it's not necessarily the case (because in some cases it could be the case), you need to be comfortable in all round aspects of your dress sense and wardrobe, and it's the tiny things that bring the comfort required.

Starting from the basics, the underwear worn under the clothes need to be just right, in terms of the colour, fabric, size, and fit. The outfit then comes on and it should suit the occasion and mood of the place you are going. The accessories need to complement the outfit and not overpower it. And then overall, you should feel good, look good, and act like the fabulous person you are.

Never forget that something as little as reminding yourself that you are beautifully and wonderfully made, is not overstated. You are precious to the most gorgeous and generous lover there is (God) and so no one on earth should make you feel otherwise.

Be great and remain strong.

Fashionable thoughts.

Sundance, Utah

What do I think about Fashion in America?

I have now had time to go shopping whilst here in America and I have to say that I haven't been impressed at all. Its strange that there are high street stores here just as we have them in UK and there are departments stores just as we do too. However, no creative juices are triggered when you go into a store because its the same standard pieces, lines, and styles you find in the stores i.e Knee length shorts, hot pants, vest tops, t-shirts and Jeans.

There seems to be a lack of individualistic creativity going on in stores and there aren't a lot of independent boutiques in existence. All men and women out and about, on their daily activities, are dressed alike in standard tops and shorts for the summer, I didn't even catch sight of this summer's staple wardrobe: short oversized dresses, kaftans etc.

It seems that the only fashionable place to be in America would be New York and it would take a fashionista a lot of effort to match the trends in any other state. Obviously, there are a lot of luxury stores and high-end department stores but they don't have any cutting edge lines and the only thing to gasp about is the price placed on items.

I went to Chicago for the day and I was in the Waterfront Plaza where I stumbled upon Mango (MNG), my second favourite store (after Zara). Its an European store and I love their clothes because they are clean cut and precise. If you want the powered look, that's the store for you. You can't even begin to envisage the amount of excitement I felt when I fell upon it. Of course, I went on to get some Pants and Skirts for work (gotta try and look the part).

Apart from the un-excitement of not finding any new pieces, I managed to get my hands on some nice t-shirts, sweaters and scrumptious jeans from Abercombie & Fitch, shorts & tops from Pacific Sunwear (they have some nice checkered shorts which look great for the summer), and shirts & soft sweaters from Aeropostale. I have never tried these stores but it's nothing a young cousin can't change.

I have to say that all in all, my creative juices haven't flowed nor has it boiled over like I expected it to. We'll just have to see if something happens between now and the 14th of August when I am due to depart the land of the Free and Home of the Brave.

However, I know some of my sisters living here in America might disagree with my opinion of the fashion scene here. Holla at me and let me know what you have to say.

Fashionable love.

Utah as I saw it

So I am ready to share my experience in Utah via visual means. Here are some pictures.

Utah - Mountain City

I have been quiet for a while but its not because i don't have anything to say, it's because I have been away in Utah attending a family function and catching a few days of fun in the City.

I bet that when people hear about Utah, they don't have anything flashing in their minds connected with the City but its where the Sundance Film Festival is held every year. The celebrities congregate in January to ski and scrutinise new movies. Utah is in a valley surrounded by high mountains and is a good ski location in the winter months.

So I got to visit Utah and experience new things. My teenage cousin planned the itinerary for the trip hence, I was at the mercy of my young cousins. We started off at the Thanksgiving Point (a sort of Museum of Ancient History) and there were all sorts of dinosaurs and animals on show. It was fun to see because museums have never been my thing and I guess it means that you are not too old to learn.

We went on to the Thanksgiving Garden where's they have an immaculately beautiful garden with chilli peppers growing on tiny plants and a breathtaking waterfall. You can stop and have tea in the country club-type cafe overlooking the garden. I t was quite nice to see this growing in a desert-type landscape.

We moved on to Clake Planetarium to watch a 3D movie on underwater sea life narrated by Kate Winslet and Johnny Depp. It was scary to watch 3D cos it feels like you are underwater yourself and I can't even swim. But i got to learn about the sea life and ecosystem which is weird cos I also don't like seafood very much just a little bit.

The movie helped me enjoy the Living Aquarium cos I could identify the Moon Jellyfish, Tiger sharks and AN octopus very easily when I saw them. I literarily became a little girl again. It was a good experience.

However, I have to say that at this point, I was looking forward to seeing Sundance since it was iconic in my mind because of the yearly Film festival. I took the Scenic Lift ride which is used as a ski lift in the winter months. Gosh, I was up there at about 5oft in the air sitting back and taking in the view of the mountains and realised that people actually lived there all year round (not a lot though) and they were huge mansions too . It was good to see except that I lost my gold earrings so the mood changed drastically for me at the height of my ride.

My conversation with one of the rangers at the lodge revealed that during the festival, there are about 3000 rides a day to the mountains for skiing and the celebrities mingle freely because they are not recognisable in their ski suits.

I have got to go now and will have pictures for you tomorrow. In the meantime, be fabulous.

Sights of New Orleans

Amazing times in Indiana

Since I promised to keep you all abreast of my activities and discoveries whilst in America, I thought I should take some time out to let you know what an awesome time I have had in the last three days.

I arrived in Indiana on Sunday evening and was duly informed by my Aunt that they were going to be attending a conference at their church for the next three days ending on Tuesday. I was enthusiastic about attending a great lineup of events at the 'Family Christian Centre' in Munster, Indiana but never imagined that it would blow my mind. Well, it did. The conference has been aptly called United 252 Youth Conference after Luke 2 Vs 52 and its a conference for teenagers aimed at encouraging, motivating and guiding them through the maze of childhood and teenage life.

The first night revealed a bunch of talented kids (who have been led by a group of Pastors to love and serve God, and live according to his ways and desires) leading worship and just letting loose in the presence of God and I loved being there. The second night featured Paula White (a truly amazing woman of God) and she blew my mind beyond expectations. The last night featured Israel and New Breed which was a welcome surprise because I never expected that I would be attending a concert by them whilst in America.

This church has the love of the next generation sown in them and they are rooting for the teenagers of today to arise and become the 'Josiahs" (remember the story from the Bible) of the world and begin a revolution. I felt blessed and touched to attend this conference and I even felt like a teenager myself for a few hours for three days.

Most especially, I was reminded as a lady that girls and women alike have had a price paid by Christ for their love and this should not be trifled with by Men. Any man who wants you in his life has to go through Christ and accept him in his life before considering himself worthy enough to have you as a prize. It was also reiterated that the Provs 31 woman can exist so there is no need to fear non-conformity to the standards of the world if you are living according to the dictates of Christ.

I have truly had a memorable experience this last few days and truly believe that I was destined to be here to attend this event. These kids are so amazing and I hope that all older women can be an inspiration to the younger teenage girls in dealing with issues such as Boys, Sex, Fashion, and Self esteem. We have a mandate to ensure that the next generation do not miss out on the opportunity to be great leaders and achievers in the world.

I can now go back to my mundane lifestyle of shopping and trolling the streets but I will always have at the back of my mind the need to help guide and lead the next generation down the right path.

Be fabulous.